Let go of the past
Let go of the past
Why hold on to something? Why not let it go, why not throw it into a river, then watch it sink? Why not just accept it as a thought, why not accept that, your brain is designed to create thoughts? It simply means nothing, all it means, that it is a thought. We all have thoughts, we have bizarre thoughts, violent thoughts, depressing thoughts, but it doesn’t mean we have to act on those thoughts. You can’t let your brain self-destruct with those thoughts, you have to take control of it; you have to guide it; you have to take responsibility for your brain. You can intervene, you can try to change those thoughts, but it will work temporarily, it won’t give up, it is stubborn, you have to get in there, and force it, put it in its place. Your brain will stop trying to do it, once you show it that there’s no choice, but to give up.
Rumination doesn’t solve anything, rumination brings you back to the past, rumination destroys your psyche. Rumination destroys your self worth, rumination is the voice of your abuser, rumination is the voice that implanted itself there. It thinks it is protecting you, the rumination believes it is shielding you from something. It’s not, in fact it is doing the opposite. You may be entirely out of the situation, most likely for decades or years, but you play it back, you play it back a million times, you think it is helping you. You think if you play it back more, you'll finally find a solution, and that solution will change everything in fact, it is destroying you, you are destroying yourself. There is nothing you will gain out of these thoughts, the only thing you will gain is suicidal ideation, because you don't see any way out. I play back the voices of my abusers, every single thing, every stupid detail, I play it back and I am shameful of my existence, I think if I wasn’t a piece of garbage, would I have experienced this? Truthfully, your abuser should be shameful, don’t give them an ounce of power. They want you to play their voice back, they want to control you, they want you to be miserable. Are you going to let them control you? Are you going to let them infiltrate your mind, then abuse you?
Do you want to become your abuser? Stop playing back their dialogue, because once you leave them, the power is in forgetting them, the power is in moving on, the power is letting go that you could ever change what happened to you. Because you can’t. The past is something you interpret, the past is something you believe is what reality is, the past is how you think it happened. The past is fake, it doesn’t exist. If anyone tells you the past, they are lying to you. There is no true measure or conceptualization of what the past is. The only thing that exists is now, so stop living in a fantasy land of what is the “past”. Move on, give up on anything changing. The only thing you can change is now. So are you going to lay down and die, and surrender your life to this stupid voice that complains in your mind? Are you weak? Are you going to give up to this stupid voice? Why are you going to let this stupid incompetent voice tell you who you are? You’re going to give up, because it tells you that you are bad? Do you remember a single detail of an embarrassing thing someone said in front of you? Move forward, you’re wasting your life on something useless; in fact it does not exist.
Let go of the past
Author and publisher @Lobonewyork, 9/4/2022